Win after win after win
Staying positive is hard sometimes, but for me (and maybe for you too) it can be imperative to avoid self sabotage
Loneliness & Human Connection
It has been hard to sit with my thoughts so much with the divorce and EMDR that I’m working through. It is good for me to spend a good amount of time processing these things, but it becomes too much after a while. I got a job a few weeks ago at a gym, but that didn’t last very long when I started doing Uber passengers. The goal was to work at this gym to get some human interaction, see some smiling face and the like. But at minimum wage pay and so much superficial interaction it became clear that it was not going to work. Uber passengers however did work.
I was making so much more money, not just more than at the gym, but more than I’ve made doing Uber Eats in a long long time. I was also driving a lot of people who gave me the human connection I craved with so few friends out here yet. I have made a few friends driving as well, but we will see how those go. I have decided that I am not going to date for a year, and probably avoid sex for that time as well. But it is so hard to turn off my flirtiness, and I end up with numbers fairly often. I guess this isn’t a bad thing, but it is a thing. I’ve met and been given more numbers driving for Uber than anything else in a long time, I think because it is a really great environment that compliments my personality.
It took me the weekend to process that this was real, and I struggled thinking that it might not be and I shouldn’t get my hopes up.
Processing A Win
One connection I have made doing Uber was a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been hesitating sharing this until now because I wanted to play it close to the chest in case it doesn’t work out. But I need to record it here anyways, because it is a win no matter how things turn out.
I was driving this guy whom I picked up at a golf course. Almost right away we get into talking about his work. He works at AWS, which is a division of Amazon. I go deep with him about that stuff, as I have been an amazon nerd for 20 years. I talked to him about the Bezos biographies, and the philosophy of the company. Before I knew it, he was asking for my phone number. He really seemed interested in helping me get a job there. About a week later, I was on a screen share with him going over the job listings at Amazon. He was explaining step by step how he was going to get me the job, and showing me other cool tools that could help me get it that he was going to help me use.
It took me the weekend to process that this was real, and I struggled thinking that it might not be and I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I’m pretty certain this is real, but it would be my dream job so I’m experiencing the imposter syndrome for the first time in my life. Also the pay would be life changing, so here I am wishing myself luck that I hopefully won’t need.
I really want to believe this isn't the end of things, that I won't hear from him ever again.
Update 1
I just learned from Chris that there is a hiring freeze at Amazon until at least January 1. He says that they want to have people at the ready to hire when they get back to it. I googled it, and journalists are reporting they have frozen hiring for what sounds like more than 2 months, which is what January 1 would be. He said that he would find out soon from an SVP, and I’m trying to stay positive. This is the best opportunity I’ve had in a long time, so I need to be optimistic.
Update 2
I heard from Chris that his Grandfather died and that was why I hadn't heard from him over the weekend. He wanted to Sync up but wasn't able to all week as he prepared the eulogy and dealt with the emotional stress. I waited until after the weekend of the funeral to reach back out to him about Syncing up but didn't hear from him all week. The last text I sent to him was about reaching out to him after the holidays. I still haven't heard from Chris. It's Thanksgiving week now, and I really hope that I can sync up with him again. I really want to believe this isn't the end of things, that I won't hear from him ever again. Like I said before, this is the best opportunity I’ve had in a long time, so I need to be optimistic.