Not everything works out
Is my dream job just a dream?
Chris
I’m finding it very difficult to wait for Chris to respond. I’m very anxious even though he has told me in the past that everything is fine. I kept texting him more and more to get a response even though I wanted to stop texting him for a while. Eventually I found some advice on how to not text someone. At first I was looking for an app to prevent me from even being able to. Then I saw the advice to change the contact name to something that reminds me not to text them. So I did that and changed his contact name to “Don’t Text Him Jace!!”. It has been working, and I hope to keep it up until he texts me next, even if it is until next year.
I need to just accept that it can’t happen now and if I could then Chris would have gotten it done by now.
I’m starting to really think that this is going nowhere and that is so disappointing that I went to cry. I feel this despite every positive interaction with him, despite his encouragement that there is nothing to worry about and he is just busy. I worry that the more he doesn’t text me back and I keep texting him that he won’t want to do this anymore. I know that I’m expecting the worst and I’ve been wrong about this a lot recently. This stuff with Amazon can’t move forward just because I want it to, it can’t move forward just because Chris wants it to. I need to just accept that it can’t happen now and if I could then Chris would have gotten it done by now.
I also think that I’m not going to Tulum with him anymore even though I have gotten nothing to support that thought so far. But if I’m not going, then I’m very disappointed and wish that he had never told me about it. I really just want to calm down and let things go how they’re going to go. I’m happy that changing his contact name is working, so at least there is that.