Vulnerability is one of those things that usually has to be learned. But I’m learning that what that means is that it needs to be re-learned, since it comes naturally to children and they need to unlearn it for some reason sometimes.
When I speak from a place of vulnerability I notice that it isn’t like I’m talking to someone. In fact this is a huge giveaway about the type of person I’m talking to based on how they perceive vulnerable communication. Often vulnerable communication acts like a mirror, so they will project their own vulnerabilities upon the vulnerable communicator if they are not in a space or place in their life where they can be vulnerable. But often time, people don’t respond outwardly at all, it’s like they are sitting their listening, which is what I used to be like with vulnerable people. I didn’t understand why I felt so safe and understood, I mean, how did they know exactly what I needed to hear? Often times they would say things they observed about me and my defenses would go up immediately out of shame, I didn’t want them to see any imperfections, I needed them to think those things were wrong, to align with the narrative of myself that I told myself that wasn’t myself.
Vulnerable communication is different. When I’m speaking vulnerably I’m not talking to you, I’m sharing around you. Let me go into that deeper with more words.
There is communicating: talking with the prerogative of transferring a thought or belief to you.
There is speaking vulnerable: sharing, which is not unlike a personal confession, but a confession to no one, and everyone. It is either received by a listener or it is simply perceived by someone around you. It is not catered to any listener, it can be heard by anyone that is listening and potentially speak to everyone listening just as if it were a finely crafted speech tailored specifically for an individual.